Eight strange things you notice when you fly halfway across the globe

  1. Curvature of the earth. It’s not flat!!
  2. Differences between safety videos on different airlines. On New Zealand Air, it’s a fun summer video about a guy (maybe a celebrity?) hitchhiking around New Zealand, and everyone he hitches a lift with gives some standard safety thing, but with a twist. For instance, both videos of course talk about what to do in case you have to evacuate the plane. On New Zealand Air, they all put the yellow things over their heads, yank the red cords, and then jump off a boat into the ocean. Fun! On Southern China Airlines, it shows you what happens “in case of ditching”: hordes of badly-computer-animated people zooming down safety slides, arms straight out like playmobil dolls, and then running away en masse. Badly animated arms a-flailin’. Soothing chinese music plays over the whole thing, and cherry blossoms fall. Be at peace with your immanent catastrophe.
  3. Great movie selection on Southern China Airlines. I watched action movies, because that’s about all I can process on long haul flights. Two consecutive 12 hour flights, minus time for eating and dissasociated dozing, means at least six movies. I watched Lego Movie, Thor: Ragnarok, Spotlight (not an action film, couldn’t hear anyone’s attempts at Boston accents over the roar of the jet engines), a terrible space movie with Tom Cruise which I do not remember, and also three other films which I do not remember. Harriet put Mamma Mia! on repeat and passed out to Meryl Streep singing ABBA tunes.
  4. On the official customs and safety placard of the Republic of China which they give you when you’re flying into the country, they have instructions for how many animals you can bring. To illustrate this concept, they chose a stock photo of a golden retriever wearing glasses.

    dog_wearing_glasses-normal

    This one.

  5. Guangzhou airport is a massive rectagular hallway without any heating to speak of. A series of moving walkways are in the dead center of the hallways. They run only one direction.
  6. In Guangzhou airport, though they also have regular janitors with regular vacuums and mops and cleaning products, there is also a single older woman going around with nothing but a handmade straw broom, meandering about, randomly and inefficiently sweeping the carpet underneath the seats. She looked a bit lost. She did, however, managed to find someone’s passport wallet. She was sweeping under a random seat and called out in Chinese to everyone sitting around her. Since it was a flight to London, nobody spoke Chinese, and we all looked at each other. I went to go examine, and remembered that a Kiwi dude had asked me about ten minutes ago if I’d seen a passport, so I ran it down to the other side of the airport to hand it off. Thanks, teyze.
  7. Mike’s House of Pizza in Guangzhou airport. Who is Mike? There is a picture of him on the picture menu, but it says beneath the picture “This is not Mike.” The restaurant was closed. I will never know.
  8. Mulberry juice?? Also dim sum on an airplane. Questionable, but overall good.

 

1 comment
  1. Barky Barkson said:

    Dope.

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